SUMMER 2014 IN MOVIES

Like many renowned film sites have noted, this summer was seen as a bit of a slump for Hollywood. Perhaps moviegoers are not as dumb as perceived and have caught on to the trend of remakes, sequels, and everything else that nerds on the internet or the people I went to school with love to complain about, even though they're the same people watching them. I, however, welcome sequels, reboots, and whatever, as long as it's done well. This summer had a fair deal of films worth talking about, and a few that were not worth so much as a haughty scoff. So, as eloquently as possible, I shall now give brief thoughts on this summer's hits and misses.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2
I was one of those people who did NOT welcome a Spider-Man reboot, especially when it was basically the SAME STORY WE SAW MORE THAN TEN YEARS AGO. While the first Amazing Spider-Man wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it was hardly remarkable, and I wasn't really eager to see a sequel. This one brings us three villains (or one major one, and two that were shoehorned in) and an arc that people were dying (oops) to see. And you know what? I didn't think this one was that bad. Nowhere on the same level as the first two Raimi Spidey movies, but I was satisfied for the most part. Yes, it's got more cheese than Kraft could ever produce, what with Jamie Foxx as the aggressively nerdy Max Dillon, pre-Electro, but compared to the first one (which gets more and more dull with rewatches), it's an improvement.

Neighbors
I guess it's pointless to say what you can expect from a movie with Seth Rogen's name on it. And for someone who had This is the End as one of his top favorite films of last year, you would think I probably would have loved Neighbors. Weeeeeeeeeellllllllllllll, love is a bit strong here. Even "like" might be stretching it. At the very least, I was able to sit through Neighbors and laugh a few good times. There's at least two scenes that made me burst out laughing, which few comedies (not including This is the End) have been able to make me do in recent years. Still, there's something very...not fresh about this film. Married couple vs. douchey frat boys sounds like a cool concept, but when it's marred by repetitive jokes and sometimes really unnecessary gags (I don't think I ever want to see anything or anyone get milked after this), it's hard for me to say that I even enjoyed this.

Chef
Jon Favreau's latest will undoubtedly make you hungry just by watching it. Other than that, it's a pretty nice father-and-son tale with appearances from actors you like. 

Godzilla
Oh boy...what can I say that people didn't already say? Well, I guess I'll say it anyway: GARETH EDWARDS. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANTED A COOL AND OMINOUS SET-UP FOR THE KING OF MONSTERS. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU OUGHT TO FILL IT UP WITH UNBELIEVABLY BORING HUMAN CHARACTERS (save for Bryan Cranston) AND REDUCE BIG G TO NOTHING MORE THAN A PLOT DEVICE. ALSO IT'S BASICALLY THE EQUIVALENT OF BLUE BALLS (not that I'd know what that feels like) TO HAVE GODZILLA SHOW UP AND FIGHT THE MUTOS AND THEN IMMEDIATELY CUT TO SOME OTHER BULLSHIT. I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED.

Million Dollar Arm
It may look like just another sports drama...and it kinda is...but Jon Hamm's charm and chemistry with his co-stars makes this a pretty solid movie to check out, at least for a rainy day or something.

X-Men: Days of Future Past
My initial reaction to this movie was laughter, goosebumps, and some manly tears. "Satisfied" doesn't begin to describe how I felt. This movie had everything I look for in a summer blockbuster - kick-ass action scenes, touches of humor at the right moments, well-placed emotion, and the best part was that this wasn't all about Wolverine. It's about Xavier and Magneto and Mystique and the humans. This one was definitely the first great summer movie.

Blended
As far as Adam Sandler movies go, this one really isn't all that bad. Yeah, he does the jokes you'd expect, from toilet humor to him inexplicably attracting a bunch of sexy bimbos, yet it could be the chemistry between Sandler and Drew Barrymore that makes this one slightly more tolerable than his recent outings.

A Million Ways to Die in the West
With a cast like this (not counting MacFarlane) and a concept like this, this one ought to have been bigger. Looking back at it, you could probably see where it went wrong. At times, it seems more like an excuse for Seth to put himself on camera and complain...which is what he does for a good five minutes in one scene. Other than that, it has a few laughs in between, while a lot of the talent seems thrown in for fun. It's not bad, but it's not that good either.

Maleficent
This is one movie that I enjoyed surprisingly a lot more than most people, or even more than I thought I would. I was able to look past the changes they made to the story, because it even makes itself clear that it's not the same story you grew up with. Of course, among the negative changes are the fairies. They're wacky and fun in the original, but they care about Aurora and what happens with her. Here, they're three assholes that almost seem to forget they're caring for a child. However, I think the good outweighs the bad. Angelina Jolie's Maleficent is a reminder of her talent, as it is a part that she seems to make all her own. She is scary and conniving, but also sympathetic and often dryly funny. For that, I can say I loved it.

Edge of Tomorrow
More Minority Report than Oblivion, if that's what you're wondering. Another summer blockbuster that has all the makings of a good one without succumbing to a bored and retreaded feel.

The Fault in Our Stars
Here's another movie I was surprised to find myself enjoying. I mean, I loved the book, but even I never thought I'd catch myself watching something like this. What sets this apart from the usual onslaught of YA novels-to-movies is that it basically has an identity all its own. Like, the two leads actually have personalities and quirks to them that are admirable. Even with their respective illnesses, they choose to rise above it and not let it define them. They live it up until their final days (not totally a spoiler). Plus it's also funny and has some solid music choices.

22 Jump Street
Hailed as the funniest movie of the year, I may have to disagree. Yes, it's laugh-out-loud funny, but really, just because they can justify this as an intentional retread doesn't mean it's great. It sometimes feels like you're thinking "Okay, we get it, guys, you're so meta!" That's not to say I didn't enjoy this. Even with the mongoloid in the back of my theater shouting like a retarded hick, I walked out quite pleased.

How To Train Your Dragon 2
Disappointed that this didn't do as well at the box office as it should have. I may be on a high from this, but I thought this one was spectacular. I was glad to have caught it in 3D after hearing praise for the effects of the last film. This one was full of what made the first one great, even if it doesn't quite top that film.

Jersey Boys
Some pretty decent musical bits with a story that sometimes drags. I did like the performances of the two guys playing Frankie and Tommy (too lazy to look up their names).

Think Like A Man Too
It's Kevin Hart being a loudmouth little dweeb again with more forced humor and less reason for you to give a shit.

Transformers: Age of Extinction
WHY. WAS. THIS. MOVIE. SO. LONG. Damn, Michael Bay, I don't mean to rip on you like the rest of The Internet does, but holy shit on a stick, dude, don't you realize what "fatigue" is? Because that is what it feels like to sit through nearly 3 hours of CGI robots. Yeah, I paid for it (or my dad did), but you know there's something not right when you get bored by robot fights.

They Came Together
Funny with a likable cast, but still rather average. 


Tammy
This one was also something of a disappointment. While others are tiring of Melissa McCarthy playing an obnoxious slob, I liked what I saw from her in The Heat and Identity Thief. Here, it almost seems to be trying to deconstruct this type of character, but with little pay-off or reason for us to care and get excited.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
A sequel that tops (or at the very least is on par with) the original is hard to come by, but this one succeeds. Special mention goes to the effects that brought the apes to life, along with another great turn from Andy Serkis.

Boyhood
Oh man...this one is something to be talked about for a while. There is absolutely no denying the hard work and dedication put into this movie, because it seriously shows. It almost feels like we're growing up alongside Mason and Sam, along with their parents. It almost feels like we've been transported to more than a decade ago when some of us were kids doing the things they were doing. That's not to say it was only good for nostalgic reasons. This movie really touches something true for everyone, young and old. Believe the hype.

The Purge: Anarchy
With this one, you can tell that the filmmakers listened to the criticism. Instead of being stuck at home, the action is in the streets, with more Purge shit going on. Not an outstanding movie, but certainly entertaining, and a chance to show off Frank Grillo as an action star.

Sex Tape
The trailer looked bad, yet I still saw it. I chuckled a few times, though while I can't say it was really bad, it was still pretty bad. A concept like this with appealing leads should be a winner, but somehow they made this so...dull.

Planes: Fire and Rescue
Boring shit that even the most easily entertained children can spot as a stinker from a mile away. Disney, you're better than this. Hell, even the DuckTales movie was better than this. You've even made better DTV sequels than this. This wouldn't even be good for a TV series. If you have to make Planes 3, then...well, I don't think there's any reason to make it other than money. Not that you all need anymore, anyway.  

Lucy
I don't mind when an action movie tries to be something more than what it's advertised as, but when you're hocking a bunch of crap in my face and not making much sense of it, and then finishing it with one of the most STUPID endings I have ever seen (two words: FLASH DRIVE), you get Lucy. Don't expect The Fifth Element, is all I can say. Expect Transporter 3 (which I know Luc Besson didn't direct, but still)

Hercules
Now this one is another interesting case. What should be something that people would normally revile is actually one of the most fun movies I've seen all year. It had great 3D effects and an always excellent turn from The Rock (I'm sorry, DWAYNE JOHNSON).

Magic in the Moonlight
It's only the 4th Woody Allen movie I've seen, and while it probably won't be among his most memorable, it's certainly sweet and charming, with the always great Colin Firth and Emma Stone having good chemistry.

Guardians of the Galaxy
Boy...if there was ever a time I had to eat my own words, it was the moment this movie finished. I didn't have a lot of faith in the project after seeing the trailer, and I wasn't a fan of James Gunn's last two movies (though I might be willing to give Slither another chance), but WOW. Can you say "entertaining as hell"? Make no mistake, 2014 will go down as the year millions of people around the world actually gave a shit about a raccoon and a tree.

Get On Up
Not quite as standard as the usual biopic, which is a good thing. And while I've stopped caring for awards shows, I think it'd be criminal not to acknowledge Chadwick Boseman's performance as the Godfather of Soul.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Ah, Michael Bay. I suppose the blame can't fall entirely on your shoulders for this. Maybe I've fallen in love with the current TMNT cartoon, and while this wasn't a total bust, I gotta wonder what was going on with the writers while this was being made. My biggest beef is with how little we get to know the Turtles in this movie. I mean, yeah, Mikey's still a goofball, but 80% of his lines are about how he's hot for April. You can hardly tell that Leo is the leader if you saw this, and you may almost wonder why Raph is brooding so much and why he's apologizing at the end. Donnie's still the smart one and he has a couple of badass moments, so I liked that. I just hope the sequel does a better job on them. And please, Paramount, don't let Jonathan Liebseman come back. Go watch Battle: Los Angeles and Wrath of the Titans, and then tell me it was a good idea to hire him as a director.

Into The Storm
I might get repetitive saying some movies were entertaining, but for what this is worth, I had a good time. And dare I say it, I liked it more than Twister. Fuck Twister.

Let's Be Cops
Some funny moments here, some absurdity there, and an unbelievable finale to close it makes this one something of a disappointment. 

The Expendables 3
Another movie where I don't have to tell you what you should expect. If you liked the first two and want to see more old school action stars kick ass and shoot bad guys, then you may like this. But you might be disappointed if you were expecting Jet Li to come back in a big way.

Life After Beth
One critic said it works better as a sketch, and I agree. Even with a good cast and an interesting concept, this one left a bad taste in my mouth.

Frank
It's Michael Fassbender wearing a big fake head. SEE IT. Also it was a pretty good movie. 

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For
This didn't need to be made, but I'm happy with what we got. Still cool and stylistic, though not quite recapturing what made the first one as awesome. It WAS still pretty awesome, though.

If I Stay
This one seemed to be fishing for tears more than The Fault in Our Stars did. Not a bad movie, by any means, but not the next big thing.

STUFF I SKIPPED OR STILL HAVE SOME INTEREST IN SEEING
Deliver Us From Evil - probably not
Earth To Echo - hayul naw
The Hundred Foot Journey - yes, I still want to see this
Step Up All In - I don't need to see it to tell you what happens
The Giver - didn't care for the book, don't really care for what happens here
When The Game Stands Tall - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The One I Love - MY MAN DUPLASS
The November Man - mmmmmmmmmmmmmm I dunno
As Above, So Below - bleh

TV SHOW IDEA

Okay, are you ready

Here we go

It's the basic set-up for an animated Fox TV show - family of five, dad hero, mom hero, and aspiring kid heroes. The dad is an actor, best known for action movie roles, as well as some comedic, and he kicks lots of ass, but he's very focused on his acting career. To the point where he doesn't even see his missions as anything but another audition. For some reason, I've modeled him off Stacy Keach. The villains are pretentious people trying to lure the kids into morally corrupt deeds like spraying graffiti and looting stores after a hurricane. Don't have a title, but I'm smelling a winner here.