Thoughts on 2014's Cinematic Offerings Thus Far

Since this started off as a blog devoted to writing film criticisms, I think it's fitting that I go back to my, uh, roots (?) and give some thoughts on what I've seen so far. It's only April, weeks before the summer movie season kicks off with The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but we've had about three really remarkable films, and a few films that make me want to violently attack my testicles.

THE LEGO MOVIE

I think everybody had the same idea when they came up with an idea for a movie all about Legos. "OH NO, ANOTHER GLORIFIED TOY COMMERCIAL, LET'S COMPLAIN BECAUSE CINEMA IS DEAD". And then most people had the same reaction when the trailer came out: "Wow, that actually looks really cool and funny." Fast forward to this February, where I was dying to see this. Did it live up to my really high expectations? For the most part, yes. Other than the "twist" at the end, everything about it seemed golden to me. It's hilarious, heartwarming, and tons of fun, as an animated family film ought to be. The characters are unforgettable, even ones like Batman and the other Master Builders. I honestly think Phil Lord and Chris Miller are geniuses and I look forward to whatever they have to put out next. However, if I must get into criticisms, going back to the "twist"...without giving away too much, all I can really say is that I liked where the film was before that point came about, and while it wasn't really a detriment to the film's structure, it sort of took me out of it for a while. It does certainly fit with the theme of the film, but then again, I couldn't find a better ending, so maybe that's why I wasn't chosen to make this movie.

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

I was asked very curtly once as to why I like Wes Anderson so much, and the reason, as this movie so vividly demonstrate, is that Anderson always, and I seriously mean ALWAYS, manages to throw in some surprising element to his films. Whether it's something lighthearted like Moonrise Kingdom or Fantastic Mr. Fox, or even something like The Royal Tenenbaums, the guy can pull something that you won't see coming, topped off with his signature brand of humor, drama, and charm. Like with Moonrise, Grand Budapest sees a hopeful newcomer in Tony Revolori as the lobby boy under the always fantastic Ralph Fiennes. Again, my major nitpick comes from the conclusion, which, to me, didn't really seem to fit what I'd seen from before. Sure, the film is significantly darker than Anderson's other films, but when you see it (and you'd better see it), you'll know what I mean. Still, I'm happy with how this turned out and I eagerly anticipate what the guy has coming up.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER 

Without exaggeration, this is easily one of the best superhero movies of recent memory. Definitely up there with the first Iron Man and The Avengers. Not only does it continue from the first film, but it also goes further into the Marvel Cinematic Universe by dropping twist after twist, with the promise for more crazy shit to come (one word: STRANGE). It's great in that it has perfectly executed action scenes, a good plot, and the man Chris Evans delivering once again as Cap. Of course, I can't forget about Scarlett Johansson being both hot AND kick-ass, and where would we be without the man Samuel L. Jackson as Nick mothafuckin' Fury? And now, I eagerly await for May 1, 2015.

And now, I talk about three films that made me question life. In a bad way.

NOAH

Darren Aronofsky? Directing a biblical tale? Did my inner film geek just get an erection? Well, he did, but then it died after watching what happened to be Noah. So, I understand that a film based off a tale from the Bible is bound to stir shit up, so if one is to attract both the Christian and, err, non-believer crowd, certain liberties need to be taken. So what do we do? Have some fucked-up rock monsters and Russell Crowe walking around like an uncharismatic block of wood and slap on the name Noah. See, it's not hard to make a film like this while appealing to both crowds. Look at The Prince of Egypt. It had musical numbers and Val Kilmer, but even that one had the balls to use the name God and still turn a profit. I do actually like that movie, though. The problem with Noah is its uneven mix of blockbuster epic fare with a half-assed biblical adaptation. It's hard to take it seriously when we see a scaly armadillo-jackal type of thing running around, and then Noah somehow kicks the asses of three bad guys like he's Maximus. I will say this, though, Clint Mansell kills it with his score, as usual, and the scenery is astounding. Not to mention Jennifer Connelly and Emma Watson stand out among the cast. However, I'd say that while this film isn't completely horrible, I'd advise against seeing it.

THE SINGLE MOMS CLUB

If you couldn't tell by the poster, it's a Tyler Perry film with an excuse to have five women of different backgrounds drink and moan about their lives, which they seemed to have messed up themselves. I don't think what I have to say about Mr. Perry hasn't already been said, but for the sake of myself, I will explain my view. I may not have a hell of a lot of experience with women, but I sometimes wonder if Perry has himself. In just about every film of his that I've seen (surprisingly, even to myself, I've seen six, including this one), the women are all horribly unlikeable or just plain stupid. This film isn't much different in that regard. Sure, the problems these women face are relatable (not connecting with their kids, worrying about their kids too much, etc.), but they're all handled in such a cheesy way that it's practically unbearable to watch. So much of it is just agonizing melodrama and whining. And of course, there's always that one racist (or sort of racist) white character. Good going, Tyler Perry, you've not only set black people back, but you're adding to the setting back of white people. Please stay away from us Latinos, because we already have Devious Maids and Gabriel Iglesias fucking us over in that respect.

THE NUT JOB

Oh. My. God. This movie. Really. Sucks. I don't know if I've ever been offended by a kids film, but this one may have the distinction of being the first to do so. There are only so many times you can use "nuts" in a film without overkilling it, but clearly nobody making THIS got the memo. I'll admit, the animation isn't completely horrible, but I mean...where do I start with why it's so fucking bad? I guess I'll begin with that little purple bastard squirrel. Fuck that guy. Fuck him and his stupid smirk and his love for nuts. Surly the squirrel is a completely unsympathetic asswipe of a squirrel that says "nuts" TOO MANY GODDAMN TIMES, and if it were up to me, I would have had that squirrel actually DROWN in that waterfall. And yes, that's kind of a spoiler, but you know what, I just saved you some time and money. Oh, and also, there is Gabriel Iglesias. Again. Proving that George Lopez isn't the worst thing about Latino comedians. Oh, and did I mention that the film is supposed to be set in the 50's, yet "Gangnam Style" plays TWICE? YEAH, AS IF THAT SONG WAS DRILLED INTO YOUR BRAIN ALREADY, THIS MOVIE MAKES SURE THAT IT CAN GET DEEPER UNTIL YOU WISHED YOU WERE BLIND, DEAF, AND DUMB. THIS MOVIE IS JUST THAT BAD.

I'll probably make another list shortly. I'm that bored.