Worst Movies of 2014

We had as many stinkers in the year as we did good ones, and so now, I take a look at some of the worst offenders in cinema from 2014.

10. Planes: Fire and Rescue

Now THIS is a shameful cash grab that failed to grab as much cash as it had hoped. The lack of effort in this really shows. Planes soaring through danger and helping friends should be fun, right? NOPE, IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY BORING AS SHIT HERE.

9. Life After Beth

I really wanted to like this. However, it was just super dry and lame. Like, whoever thought of it just said, "Hey, zombies sure are popular now!"...and that was it.

8. The Other Woman

Yeah, I put that picture up, because that's probably the ONLY worthwhile thing about this movie. No, you don't have to watch it to enjoy Kate Upton and her glorious bod, but it's hard to remember anything else about it that's worth talking about. Rarely humorous and mostly superficial, this one sucks butts.

7. Ouija

Good grief. Clearly, Michael Bay and Jason Blum are geniuses that know that their target demographic is comprised of the easily amused and easy to scare. If you think you know what's gonna happen, then that's because you've seen this in most PG-13 horror movies of the last decade with little to no payoff.

6. Into The Woods

I like musicals, but BOY HOWDY, was this one lame. Maybe I'd like the original theatrical production more, because there was few to like about this, other than Meryl, James Corden, and the kid playing Jack. I was a bit disappointed with my ladies Emily Blunt and Anna Kendrick (though they are great singers), and the girl playing Red Riding Hood was an annoying ass. The songs sucked, the story was stupid, the characters were morons, and the central message (if you can call it that) seemed super dickish - you can get what you want, but you might get fucked over? FUCK YOU, THEATER NERDS.

5. The Longest Week

Olivia Wilde's expression sums up my thoughts on this. It's like a really bad student film that wanted to be a Wes Anderson movie but failed miserably. I know people hate to throw "boring" around, but HOLY SHIT, this movie is BORING BORING BORING. With a side of BORING.
 
4. Think Like A Man Too

The first movie is actually pretty decent. This one is just "Let's get everyone back and put them in a wacky setting, but let's not give a shit about doing anything different and let Kevin Hart do his thing, because that's what the people want!" FUCK YOU, KEVIN HART.


3. The Single Moms Club

Tyler Perry, you seriously have no idea how to write good female characters.

2. The Nut Job

There's only so many times you can make "nut" jokes before it gets really stale...and that happens about three minutes in. God, I just want to kick that little squirrel bastard in front of a truck.

AND NOW, FOR THE BIGGEST TURD OF THE YEAR (in my opinion)...

1. Addicted

I like to think of this as an alternate version of The Other Woman that is even more unfunny, and with a black female lead that ends up being the one that fucks around with other sexual partners. Here, it's treated like a disease instead of a personal vice, but instead of making the protagonist sympathetic, she just seems like a victimized sex freak that uses the "disease" part to justify her actions. And even though she does get some comeuppance in the end, we're still meant to feel bad for her. On top of that, it's supposed to seem sexy when she does go around with these dudes, but it's more uncomfortable and weird. It's just really really unpleasant.