Would ya look at that, I'm writing again!
Hello, three loyal readers (maybe just two if I'm being realistic). I am back from a creative slump (AKA I remembered this existed and I had something to say), ready to bring you all back to the darkest recesses of my mind. Brace yourselves, because I might say some crazy shit.
The first thing I had on my mind was, as you may have guessed from the title, life and death. Let's start with death. Days ago, I learned that a former schoolmate of mine had died. I had never spoken to this guy in my life, nor am I aware of what took his life, but I read several comments from his closest friends. I'm Facebook friends (kinda sad how this has a separate meaning from actual friend, but I digress) with a close friend of the departed, and it looked like the two were practically brothers. I scoured through the guy's profile, whatever I was able to check out without actually having been FB friends with him. He seemed like a pretty nice guy. He looked happy. He looked like he was always trying to have a good time. It looked like people really enjoyed being around the guy. And it looked like he really enjoyed life. Now he's gone.
Like I said, I didn't know a lot about him other than his name and what school he went to. I think about this guy's passing because one thing I wonder about people that die suddenly is if they were happy where they were before going. Did they feel fulfilled in life? Were they at that point where it was okay if death was coming for them? Probably not. He had a full life ahead of him. He was just getting started with living.
These days, it sounds like death is all over the news. Certain individuals in this world seem to think that taking other peoples' lives will bring them some kind of reward or fulfillment. Those individuals can go fuck themselves. Nobody is entitled to the lives and businesses of anyone other than their own, and perhaps the people who might actually love them. That's why it's always funny when angry Americans (re: Trump's hardcore supporters - and that's obviously not meant to include all that support him, just the jackasses you see on the internet) take it upon themselves to butt into other peoples' business and criticize them for something. You don't like that this woman is breastfeeding her kid in public? You feel some type of way over that gay interracial Jewish couple holding hands with their adopted white kid? You mad that Malia Obama is smoking weed? Well, guess what? It's none of your fucking business.
How does that seemingly out-of-left-field rant tie into my earlier sentiments? It's because a lot of these people would go as far as to kill if they didn't like the way a certain person was living their own lives. Somehow, their happiness affects their own. If You-Know-Who really is elected this coming November, who's to say there won't be a mimic of the whole Brexit debacle where THOSE PEOPLE start going after someone that doesn't look or think like them? People have actually broken into homes and murdered innocent children for things that are beyond their control. But you wanna know the craziest thing about it all? THOSE PEOPLE don't have the slightest fucking clue that their stupidity affects the children they are raising in an ever-changing world. Have any of you even seen American History X and not learned a thing from it? Doubt it.
What I'm trying to say is that we live in a time where you can basically get shot just for walking down the street and having dark skin. I'm not turning this into a discussion regarding certain events surrounding law enforcement, because that's not what I'm even talking about. Two Muslim men were shot in broad fucking daylight after prayer. That's it. They just went to pray. Last year, a large number of black individuals were shot at a church. Then that guy was treated to Burger King. Fuck right off with this shit. So, if I seem nihilistic, if I seem like things are bleak...well, I have my reasons.
Now, why don't we talk about life? Everyday, I personally seem to encounter a constant struggle to find any semblance of meaning in my life. I know, typical 20-something millenial sentiment. What a crybaby. To be fair, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a great family. I have (mostly) supportive friends. The ones I see most regularly are often a bunch of dicks, but I think they care about me, so I still socialize with them. I have a job and a place to live. My job fucking sucks, but I still have money in my pocket. For how much longer, I can't say for sure. But really, I'm rarely content. My parents and dog are usually the only ones I can count on for happiness, even when my parents start nagging me on whatever goes on in life. They, however, are always happy. Maybe they're not constantly grinning and prancing through a field of daisies while spreading glitter and goodwill, but they are satisfied with their lives, and they are probably the only people I know (besides some of my other friends' parents - keyword being "some") who seem to embody that "true love" ideal. I, on the other hand, have a hard time sharing the same sentiments.
I also don't think "true love" really exists anymore. I don't care how many happy celebrity couples you show me, or how many of my former schoolmates have gotten married and have started families of their own. I honestly think the majority of those relationships will end in divorce, and their kids will eventually break out of that shell of optimism and wonder to see the world for what it really is. But I do often hope that someday I can find someone that actually loves me for who I am, and that maybe we can raise kids safely and have them grow to be respectable people who do good. I'm not getting my hopes up, though. If there's anything the world has taught me, it's that some people (like me) don't have the luxury of getting confident and seeing their ambitions through.
Truthfully, there are a lot of people I know that give me a smidgen of hope that maybe the world isn't a total piece of shit. Maybe it's not enough to fully convince me, but I am sometimes genuinely amazed at how much good I come across considering all the shit I pointed out before. They are rare, but I'm thankful for the ones I know that don't completely suck. For instance, there's a lady that goes to the church where my dad preaches that always gives me a big handful of cookies when she sees me. She's a single mother raising a son that is perhaps beyond hope. I'm not saying she's a good person simply because she enables my cravings, but seeing as how devoted she is not only to her family, but to her faith as well, I think she of all people should find happiness.
To sum up my thoughts, life in this day and age is rough, and honestly, there are times where I'd rather abandon society altogether, move to a deserted island, find out how to survive on my own, and be done with everything. Nobody knows for sure what awaits them the next day, or even in the next hour. All we can do is hope that somehow, things will turn out for the better, and maybe someday, THOSE PEOPLE will wise the fuck up and progress.
With affectionate sentiments,
J
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